Cause every night I'm talking to the moon.

i have the faith

that we are going to grow old together

and sharing the same stories all over again

no matter how cliche and boring it is

tapi dah tua tua tade borak jodoh dah.

borak pasal syurga, neraka, betapa osemnya Rasullullah, and how much I want a kid like Umar

wehehehe

random xx

20 year old - me.

Tua dah saya, dah puluhan, I feel old awwwwh :X 

Getting older, getting wiser. I guess being in twenties really mess up your mind. I had soo much thoughts on my mind about future, akhirat, bakal lelaki saya, mak bapak saya, nama anak-anak saya, well meh. Randomness.

A Level. Saya rasa kepala nak meletup dah ni fikir pasal A Levels. Uni application la, result exam tak semengah la, lepastu banyak gilerrrrrrrrrrrrr lagi chapter nak baca, I feel like ughhhh susahnya nak dewasa. Lepastu, pujuk diri, read quotes on Quran or internet or everywhere, getting the strength from everywhere. Ni dekat bahu ni, penuh harapan mak ayah abang adik-adik makcik pakcik, Allahu berat den rasa, berat. Takpe, Allah yusahil. InsyaAllah Allah mudahkan, kan? If you happen to read this, amin kan lah ok? 

Tapi seriuslah, huuuuuuuuuu TT TT Alevels ni berat siket. Rasa macam nak berderai air mata pun ada. Rasa macam ambil SPM all over again, tapiiiiiiiiii tinggal lagi few months je tau. *literally drowning in tears*

And I'm 20 already, I can't afford to see people leaving me~~~~~~ like really leaving me, tak contact la apa la, no-no please don't. Stay. Please. I think I've been strong enough for past two years, seeing my bestfriends, my loved ones, leaving me for their life. Well, that's fine. Because I am fine too. Tapi, not now. I have the best people around me, with me now. I don't think I could handle goodbye very well from now on, so please. Tak kira lah, awak lelaki ke, awak perempuan ke, kalau saya jenis suka membebel dekat awak, saya rapat dengan awak, saya suka kawan dengan awak, STAY. I lost too much people these years, sedih tahu tak. Saya rileks je dekat luar, tapi god knows perasaan itu bila saya buka balik gambar lama, texts lama. Maybe, ada hikmahnya. Tu zaman jahilliah. Ok. Now dah tak jahilliah sangat, saya ok, dan saya tahu (insyaAllah) batas saya. So awak semua rileks, dan stay. 

dah serupa gaya merayu dekat boifren dah ni -- lek. Tak sempat nak bercinta ha tader masa tader kudrat gua nak A Levels kepala nak meletup dah tahu tak.

entahlah, saya rasa saya dah matang. In many ways. Tapi paling obvious, bab-bab keluarga ni. Oh Tuhan. Berkatilah keluarga ku, dengan penuh kasih sayang. Ameen.

Ok tu je, bye. Asssaaaalaaaaaaaamualaikum.

(Guna bahasa saya, because 'gua' is too gangster. I'm not gangster anymore. Dah feminin sket loll)

Bye 2013.

2013.

Entahlah, gua dah lupa banyak pasal 2013. Banyaaaaaak sangat. Sebab hidup gua macam ferris wheel. Dia pusing macamtu je. Study A levels, dan kpop. Gua kalau sedih pun sebab result hujung sem, dan kalau gua gembira pun, sebab Big Bang. Meh, hidup gua yang 19 tahun, macamtu je. Macamtu jee. Ok, takdelah teruk macamtu, but it was THAT teruk.

2013 ni boleh kira macam tahun kegemilangan gua dan kpop. Bukan main gemilang gua dan kpop-kpop gua. Terutama, Big Bang. Bleargh that's not something to be proud of, I know right..... Bukan tak try nak berhenti, oh Tuhan, ingat I tak malu ke kena label sebagai kpoppers? Tak kewl langsung~~ Sebagai gangster yang hipstur dan bertauliah, sepatutnya gua tak minat benda-benda kpop ni, sebaliknya meminati nasyid yang tak berapa mainstream sangat. Cewah. Jujurla, gua sayang nak tinggalkan kpop ni. Sebab, kpop making me less attached to people. If you know me, the old me, you'll know how mengada and overly attached I am to people around me. Macam meh, tak kewl gila. Tapi, kpop la buat gua semakin lagha dalam dunia muzik mainstream korea. Haha so funny. Kpop la selamatkan gua dari heartbroken, dari dunia chenta dan kesedihan, dari perangai manusia dan whatever. Tapi itulah, kpop ni lagha melampau. Ni sejak gua balik umrah ni, gua malas je nak buka lagu Big Bang ke kpop ke apa..... cukup-cukup sudah. I'm so done with all of these. Sian telinga, kang kena soal dekat akhirat, 'Selalu dengar apa dekat dunia', nak jawab apa? Your ears not gonna lie in front of Him The Almighty. Kesian juga hati. Maksiat telinga, maksiat mata (tengok lelaki Kpop, jambu kenonz yeks), maksiat, maksiat everywhere everyday everyseconds. Kesian ke diri gua, kang jiwa dah keras kang sampai takleh dengar tazkirah, ha baru nak sedey. Tu lah, muzik everyday all night. Sebelum tidur, masa study, bangun tidur.... all the way. Hem. Sobs.

Dan gua pun rasa gua perlu move on dari meminati lelaki selebriti yang gua suka buat sebelum ini. Ozil, contoh paling obvious. Naik segan gua. Umur 19 tahun dulu, bolehlah gua maafkan diri gua, mungkin umur belasan tahun buat gua perangai gitu. Nawh I am 20, no no dont do that, not anymore. Gua rasa segan pulak memikirkan gua dok post gambar Ozil, puji-puji dia, euw. Dulu gua rasa cool la kot, sekarang tak dah. Ahahaha, hadis ni selamatkan gua dan buat gua sedar, 

If you have no shame, then do as you please

Dia macam, hamekau sebijik kena dekat muka. Tatau malu lah tu main post-post gambar lelaki. What kind of gurl la you ni tsk tsk sedih I, sedih.

Apa-apa pun, hey 2014. Come to me! I know you'll be the very tough one, but hey I'm also tough wut. Battle la jom. Gua ada kuasa! -kuasa doa. Gitu. InsyaAllah semua mudah mudah je. Amin. 

Gua nak upload gambo, tapi blogspot buat hal. Aiii babap kang. Ok la, chow.